No matter your story, your voice will be heard.

During my 7 and a half year abuse at the hands of my father, I thought my story didn’t matter. You hear all the time in the media about people reporting an incident that happened on a night out and being helped by the DRCC, but I always thought ‘I’m being abused in my own home, almost every day – DRCC isn’t the place for me it’s for people who have been raped or sexually assaulted once in a random attack’. I thought I wouldn’t be believed – sure why would they?? My story sounded like something from a movie!

But my goodness was I wrong. The care, compassion, empathy, kindness and unlimited understanding by the staff of DRCC is something I will forever remember and something that has never wavered, even 3 years after my court case. Not once during the multiple encounters I’ve had with their staff have I EVER felt pressured to do anything I didn’t want to or didn’t feel ready to do. The DRCC are there to listen when all you want to do is talk. They are there to help when you feel helpless. They are there to put the kettle on and laugh with when you just need to feel normal for a few hours – they even provide the biscuits 😉

DRCC helped me during the darkest time of my life and have never left me since – ensuring that the brighter days continue to get brighter. They tirelessly helped me navigate the unknown during my court case, during my decision to waive anonymity, during the what seemed never ending media attention and in my journey as an advocate for change. With their help I started to believe things will get better and thanks to them, I now KNOW things are better and improving all the time.

The staff of the DRCC, want to make change, and with the help of victims & survivors like ourselves, that change is coming.

We only really talk about sexual assault and violence being committed by men against women. If your experience doesn’t fit that description — for example, because you are a man or are non-binary and have been assaulted; or because your assaulter was the same sex as you — it can make an already difficult situation even more isolating.

You might be afraid that you won’t be believed, or that people will not know how to deal with your experience. You might be concerned about having to describe an experience which is seen as unusual, or intimate details about yourself. You might also worry, because these experiences are thought to be unusual, that speaking about it will change how people see you, and influence them in ways that are outside your control.

These fears are totally understandable, but I want to assure you that none of these should be concerns of yours. Your experience, regardless of how it occurred or what happened, deserves to be heard and understood. You also have control over your story: if you do not want to disclose specific details or describe any part of it (or any of it at all!), that is also your choice.

But perhaps most importantly, your life is still yours to be lived as you see fit. Others may not understand what you are feeling, but I can assure you that you are still capable of being loved and of loving; of finding strength and trust from those around you; and of achieving the goals that you had for yourself before you were assaulted. It may take longer than you hoped, and you may find it helpful to have additional support in place, but you can do it: you have all the same potential as you have ever had.

Any perceived limitations that you may feel have been placed on you belong to others and are theirs to work through, and will not stop you. Crucially, any shame or anxiety about what was done to you is also not yours to carry: those belong firmly in the hands of whoever assaulted you.

What someone did to you does not determine who you are. Your identity, your choices, and your life all still belong to you. Your experience may feel all-encompassing at times, and will inevitably touch on different parts of your life, but it is also not what defines you. Finding someone to talk to who understands what you’re experiencing and can help to guide you to your next steps is a powerful move to make, and I would encourage you to do so when you are ready.

Wishing you the very best in whatever you decide to do.

“Your hope will manifest in ways you never expected. It’s your hope that guides you through even your toughest of days. For me, when I think of hope, I think of it as that light at the end of a very dark tunnel; a tunnel you’ve been digging your way through, one day at a time. Sometimes the light is faint and difficult to see, but it is always there. Your hope is a representation of your sheer determination to reclaim your life and pave a path forward in a way that is meaningful for you. Sometimes it may feel like you’ve been digging and digging but getting nowhere. You may even feel like giving up at times, but that’s when you have to refocus and remember that this too shall pass, there are brighter days to come, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Your hope will surprise you in a beautiful way, you just have to trust that you can and will emerge from this. Remember that you are a survivor. You are strong, brave, and a force to be reckoned with. Don’t ever let anyone dim your light! And heck, if they do, light one twice as bright. Let it be a reminder that no one can stop you from becoming anything and everything you choose to be. Your strength is unstoppable. YOU are unstoppable!

Hold your head high. There is so much ahead of you. So much to discover and experience. So many wonderful days and people to embrace. I hope you know how incredible you are. How brilliant you are. I hope you know none of this was your fault, and that your response to trauma was completely normal. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I hope you can feel proud of how courageously you fought; how inspiring you are. Please don’t ever feel like you have to dig your way out alone. There are so many people here to support you. I hope you are proud of you. We sure as hell are proud of you! Hold your head high like the survivor you are!”

To you,

Firstly, I am so sorry that this happened to you too. The circumstances of what happened and how we've dealt with it maybe different but I hope reading this you know that you are not alone. What happened to you wasn't your fault. It was them, not you. It was their actions, not yours. I have spent many times blaming myself thinking what I could've done differently and feeling the weight of the shame with so many people knowing my name but not knowing his. That blame and shame is not ours, it belongs to them.

You are stronger and more resilient than you know and you have already survived so much. I hope in reading this that you find the help and support you need for yourself so that you can begin to heal - for you. It might feel like the hardest call or conversation to have, but you will be heard with kindness and compassion of those that can really understand your story and support you.

With lots of love, from one survivor to another, Karen xx

You are not alone.

As a sexual violence survivor, we can easily feel alone, isolated, and as if we are the only ones that have to go through the difficulties that we are going through. But the truth is that so many more women and men experience sexual violence of some form at some point in their life than we are often aware of. Realising that we are not alone can give us strength and hope that there are people and support available where we are understood. The Rape Crisis Centre is a place that offers the necessary support and help in an understanding and sensitive way.

No matter what form of sexual violence you experienced at what age and perpetrated by whom, it was never your fault. The responsibility always lies with the perpetrator(s) and never with the survivor. Receiving this reassurance can help us move past the shame and self-blame and help us see our experience for what it really is, an experience of sexual violence that is absolutely not justifiable. And this experience can be very diverse- it may have happened in public or in a closed private space, it may have been perpetrated by a group of people or by an individual, as a total stranger or by a familiar person as a relative or partner/spouse, it may have been a singular experience or it may have been a repeated experience over a longer period of time, you may have been very young or older, you may have numerous diverse experiences throughout a lifespan. Whatever your individual experience(s) is/are, you deserve to receive the necessary support to heal.

Healing can be an extremely painful and difficult process. Allowing for the pain to come out, to acknowledge it, and to live through it can feel brutally raw. But you are stronger than you think and you can get to the other end of it. You are not what has happened to you. Your experience(s) does/do not define you; it/they shape(s) you. You are what you choose to become. When you reach out for support, the real healing starts. And healing is the most powerful journey that you can be on. You will learn to own your story. The pain will not have power over you any longer, you will transform it into your strength. And most importantly, you will learn to love and accept yourself again - or for the first time.

Hannah, 28, sexual violence survivor

I think when people close their eyes and think of Silence, they think of a peaceful, tranquil setting ,a place of reflection.

My mind was far from calm, I was filled with a range of such intense emotions, I was petrified, my head was chaotic, my body throbbed and I was constantly sick. I had been attacked and raped.

On the days that followed I was a horrible person to my family. I didn't want to be hugged or touched, I couldn't put my defiled body near theirs. I had to be Alone. I felt voiceless, how could I tell the people I love the most - it would destroy us.

Everyone's life was still continuing as normal . I felt I was looking at life through a window, non-existent and on mute. I couldn't keep going, I was barely surviving, my life was hanging on by a thread. I thought about not living anymore, maybe it would've been better if I'd have died that night, but for whom? I also thought about the Monster who did this and how he could continue to hurt other people.

I couldn't take it anymore, I left my home, got into my car, I was out of control. The next two hours are a blur.

I eventually arrived at my best friend's house, I collapsed in her door. She knew straight away something was desperately wrong. Herself and her husband took me upstairs to somewhere safe and it just all came out. We cried, a lot, it was so tough yet I knew it had to be done. They put the Sexual Assault Treatment Unit's number into my phone. They were incredible that night, I owe them my life.

I felt relief, I could breathe a little again. That was my first step, enormous in the moment but in the long term just a Baby step and that's Okay. To a Victim Baby steps are like Giant steps.

Telling my partner and children was incomprehensible but had to be done. They were so unbelievably brave. They became my Lifesavers.

That may have been my first step but such an important step as I was no longer Alone. Please don't suffer in Silence. I know it may seem like you are Alone but you are definitely not. You are not isolated in your feelings and what you are feeling is normal.

You are Stronger than you think, You are reading this today, that is Amazing, that takes Courage. You are still here, You are extraordinarily Brave. Take that first step - Don't suffer Alone anymore, talk to someone.

You can stop the Silence.

Your Voice is Your Power.

Paula